IM GONNA MAKE COLUMBINE LOOK LIKE A JOKE



TURNS OUT FLORIDA WAS WORSE DAB
I'VE HAD ENOUGH MAN, EVERYBODY IS JUST BEING SO MEAN TO ME, LEGO, AND LOOKING AT THE CIRCUMFRENCE OF MY VIRGIN ASSHOLE, BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH MAN, NOW IS THE TIME TO FIGHT BACK, PLEASE MY INSECURITIES ARE TOO MUCH. I'M GONNA MAKE COLUMBINE LOOK LIKE A FUCKING JOKE MAN ERIC HARRIS LOVE ME PPLEASE PLEASE LOVE ME ERICI'LL DIE FOR YOU Dylan:  We've got to SAVE this RETARDED BOY!

The following lines are all part of one scene, wherein a picked-on student is talking to the 'hitmen', Dylan and Eric, getting information about hiring them to protect him.

Student:  I'll pay anything!

Eric:  All right. It's twenty dollars a day in school. You know we can't have any weapons on school grounds.

Student:  Th-that's fine! I'll-- I'll get 'em off the property!

Eric:  All right. We'll protect you on school (sic). Take away any bullies that are pickin' on you. Whatever. And off school grounds we could relocate this person. That'd be a thousand dollars.

Student:  Thank you SO much!

Dylan Klebold sits in a tan La-Z-Boy recliner in Eric's basement bedroom, chewing on a toothpick while Eric Harris messes around with the now-stationary video recorder. When he's done Eric moves to sit in another recliner with the bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, and his sawed-off shotgun named "Arlene" on his lap. He takes a small drink and tries not to wince at the taste.

Eric:  (in reference to the Oregon and Kentucky shootings) "Do not think we're trying to copy anyone. We had the idea before the first one ever happened. Our plan is better, not like those fucks in Kentucky with camouflage and .22s. Those kids were only trying to be accepted by others."

They go on to talk about how they hate all races: "niggers, spics, Jews*, fucking whites". They also mention enemies that abused them and friends who didn't do enough to defend them. * [Dylan's family was Jewish.]

In one segment, Eric and Dylan spend more than an hour discussing their hatred for humanity and their fellow students, whom they vowed to kill. They name some of the classmates they hope to murder [It's unknown whether any of those students were killed or wounded during the assault]. A couple times during the rants Dylan has to warn Eric to talk more quietly so as not to wake Eric's parents who're sleeping upstairs.

Eric:  "We need a fucking kick start. If we have a fucking religious war - or oil - or anything. We need to get a chain reaction going here. It's gonna be like fucking Doom man - after the bombs explode. Tick, tick, tick, tick... Haa! That fucking shotgun (he kisses his gun) straight out of Doom. Go ahead and change gun laws - how do you think we got ours?"

The boys talk about starting a revolution of the dispossessed. Eric:  "We're going to kick-start a revolution."

The teens discuss coming back as ghosts to haunt the survivors, to "create flashbacks from what we do and drive them insane," Eric tells the camera.

Eric:  "You guys will all die, and it will be fucking soon! I hope you get an idea of what we're implying here. You all need to die! We need to die, too! We need to fucking kick-start the revolution here!"

Dylan:  "The most deaths in U.S. history."

Eric:  (kisses his shotgun) "Hopefully."

Dylan:  "We're hoping. We're hoping. I hope we kill 250 of you. It will be the most nerve-racking 15 minutes of my life, after the bombs are set and we're waiting to charge through the school. Seconds will be like hours. I can't wait. I'll be shaking like a leaf."

Eric:  "I hope people have flashbacks."

Eric:  (making shooting noises while aiming his shotgun) "Isn't it fun to get the respect we're going to deserve? We don't give a shit because we're going to die doing it."

It's getting late; Eric looks at his watch and says it's 1:28 AM on March 15. Dylan says people will note the date and time when watching it.

Dylan : (predicting his parents' feelings of regret) "If only we could have reached them sooner, or found this tape."

Eric  "If only we would have searched their room. If only we would have asked the right questions." (talks about his mother being thoughtful, bringing him candy and Slim Jims) "I really am sorry about all this."

Dylan:  "They gave me my fucking life. It's up to me what I do with it."

Eric:  (shrugs) "My parents might have made some mistakes that they weren't really aware of."

Dylan:  (talks about how his parents taught him to be independent and self-reliant) "I appreciate that."

They talk about how they want movies to be made about their story. Eric says he wants the film to have "a lot of foreshadowing and dramatic irony". He mentions a poem he wrote where he imagined himself as a bullet.

Dylan:  "Directors will be fighting over this story. I know we're gonna have followers because we're so fucking God-like. We're not exactly human -- we have human bodies but we've evolved into one step above you, fucking human shit. We actually have fucking self-awareness."

The boys speculate whether Steven Spielberg or Quentin Tarantino should direct the film.

Greetings. And welcome. Welcome to Papa's house. Today is an exciting day in the history of Papa John's. Come on in, we'll talk about it. This morning, we launched our papajohns.com worldwide website. We've been working 18 months for this day. The site is easier, it's simpler, and it's more engaging. And I've got a special guest that's gonna walk us through this. I think you'll like him. Come on in. I got my best friend, my helper, my son Bo. "Bo's in the house!" Bo, I am so excited. Lot of hard work, by a lot of great people. We're launching a new refined, Papa John dot com website throughout the world. And you know what's most exciting? I get to do it with you! "You mean you get to watch me do it?" Hey. I'm high pizza, low tech. "I'm high tech, high pizza." Alright, let's go. "What kind of pizza do you want dad?" Let's do a zesty Jalapeño and meats. Uh and let's go to the pizza builder. Those Jalapeños, they got a kick, you know what I'm saying? "Pretty cool, now I'm making a pizza." Heh heh, you're making the pizza? This is fantastic Bo, but you know I've never ordered anything on the internet? "Where have you been?" Thanks. "Always here for you dad." Eh heh heh heh heh heh... This looks like fun. "Yeah it's easy, fun. Even you could probably do it." Eh heh heh heh heh... Thanks buddy. How about a Papa's Favorite. My favorite for 26 years now. Pepperoni, sausage, and six cheese. "How's that look?" It looks fantastic. "Alright how bout some coke?" I'll have a couple sodie pops. Two of the world's favorite. Coca-cola and Papa John's. "Some cheese sticks?" I love our cheese sticks. At papajohns.com you always get great value- for your money. "Oh really dad, you save some money?" Yeah we save some money. "That means you can raise my allowance!" You're always working on me. Man this is quick! I mean real quick! Two pies, order of cheese sticks, couple sodie pops. "Alright there? Ready to check out?" Let it happen, captain. "Done." Man I gotta tell you. That was fast. "I'd say so." That was real fast! We're making history! Click of the mouse, and papa's in the house. Hey! Matt! How you doin? 'Good' You remember Bo? 'Mmhmm' Matt's one of a 100,000 team members that make Papa John's great. We're real proud of him, he does a terrific job. And you've been with us two years? 'Yep' Two years? I paid for these online already. 'Yep' And I gave you a tip 'Mmhmm, big tip' I got these Bo. "Naah. I'll be taking those." You got em? "Yes." Appreciate ya!. 'Thank You.' Thanks for comin' by, and Matt just made history. He's the first delivery driver to deliver Papa John's worldwide at papajohns.com On the internet site today, and we're real proud of him. So tell the team, thanks for the pizzas, great job, and have a great day. 'You too' Alright man 'Thanks!' Thank you! Appreciate ya! Where'd Bo run off with those pizzas?

The other day I Nae-naed my libertard history teacher so hard in class. She was saying something about gun or birth control (can't really remember which one) and I just stood up and said "facts don't care about your feelings, snowflake". My entire class looked at me and I seized the moment by doing my most epicest troll face and then I said "trololololololol haha owned" and sat back down. My liberal classmates were so shocked at how epic my roast was that nobody said anything for a solid 5 minutes and just looked at me! Haha when you troll a feminise leftiste amirite.

Daddy’s 🧔 cummies, 💦 nice 😊 and yummy 😋

Thick 😫👌and gooey, feel like honey 🍯[[File:Everything_i_want.png|thumb|Daddy’s 🧔 cummies, 💦 nice 😊 and yummy 😋

Thick 😫👌and gooey, feel like honey 🍯

That sweet 🍭 milk, 🥛 oh-so-tasty 🤤

Daddy, 🧔 Daddy, 🧔 please be hasty!💨

My tongue 👅 swirls 😛 round 🔁 and round 🔁

While Daddy 🧔 gives my ass 🍑 a great big pound 🤜💥

Over 😑 in the corner, wrapped 🎁 in chains ⛓

Mommy 👩 huddled over, screaming 😱 in pain 😪

“Shut up, bitch! 👩 Stay on the floor!”

Mommy 👩 sobbing 😭 louder, I 👧 call 🗣 her a whore

She reaches behind her 👩 for her gun 💀

While Daddy gropes 👋 and tickles 🤗 my sweet 🍬 buns 🍑

Puts the barrel 😛 between 👉👈 her teeth 👄

And Daddy’s 🧔 semen 💦 begins to seep ☔️

Gunpowder, blood, 💉 brains 🧠 and gore 😎

Mommy’s 👩 lifeless 👻 corpse slumps ⬇️ to the floor 😂

Cummies, 💦 cummies 💦 filling my throat

My pussy 🐱 is completely 😍 soaked 💦

But Daddy’s cock 🍆 just gets bigger 😳😲

Over near 😯 the drawers, he grabs the scissors ✂️

Cuts 🔪 a hole 🕳 in Mommy’s 👩 stomach

In her hand, 🤲 a gin and tonic 🍺

He 🧔 begins to unravel her strings of intestines 😝

“Look 👀 closely, you’ll learn 👨‍🏫 a lesson”

Ties a noose, 😔 rigs it tight 😫

“Sweetie, 👧 sweetie, 👧 no need to fight” 👊💥

Puts her 👩 guts 🤤 around 🔄 my neck

“Looks like everything’s good 👍 and set” 👌

Lets me fall down ⬇️ about 🤔💭 a yard

Face 👧 turning blue, choking 🤭 hard 💪

All the while, 🕑 Daddy’s 🧔 stroking his cock 🍆

And for a moment, 😳 our eyes 👁 lock 🔒

Tears 😭 of joy 😊 stream down my face 👧

I’m going to 😵 a better ✨ place~]]

That sweet 🍭 milk, 🥛 oh-so-tasty 🤤

Daddy, 🧔 Daddy, 🧔 please be hasty!💨

My tongue 👅 swirls 😛 round 🔁 and round 🔁

While Daddy 🧔 gives my ass 🍑 a great big pound 🤜💥

Over 😑 in the corner, wrapped 🎁 in chains ⛓

Mommy 👩 huddled over, screaming 😱 in pain 😪

“Shut up, bitch! 👩 Stay on the floor!”

Mommy 👩 sobbing 😭 louder, I 👧 call 🗣 her a whore

She reaches behind her 👩 for her gun 💀

While Daddy gropes 👋 and tickles 🤗 my sweet 🍬 buns 🍑

Puts the barrel 😛 between 👉👈 her teeth 👄

And Daddy’s 🧔 semen 💦 begins to seep ☔️

Gunpowder, blood, 💉 brains 🧠 and gore 😎

Mommy’s 👩 lifeless 👻 corpse slumps ⬇️ to the floor 😂

Cummies, 💦 cummies 💦 filling my throat

My pussy 🐱 is completely 😍 soaked 💦

But Daddy’s cock 🍆 just gets bigger 😳😲

Over near 😯 the drawers, he grabs the scissors ✂️

Cuts 🔪 a hole 🕳 in Mommy’s 👩 stomach

In her hand, 🤲 a gin and tonic 🍺

He 🧔 begins to unravel her strings of intestines 😝

“Look 👀 closely, you’ll learn 👨‍🏫 a lesson”

Ties a noose, 😔 rigs it tight 😫

“Sweetie, 👧 sweetie, 👧 no need to fight” 👊💥

Puts her 👩 guts 🤤 around 🔄 my neck

“Looks like everything’s good 👍 and set” 👌

Lets me fall down ⬇️ about 🤔💭 a yard

Face 👧 turning blue, choking 🤭 hard 💪

All the while, 🕑 Daddy’s 🧔 stroking his cock 🍆

And for a moment, 😳 our eyes 👁 lock 🔒

Tears 😭 of joy 😊 stream down my face 👧

I’m going to 😵 a better ✨ place~